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Oct. 31st, 2008 @ 03:31 pm (no subject)
Current Location: work in medway
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
definitely need to use this to vent again...i thought these days were over...

so i was obviously stupid to think that after college and classes i wouldnt have to deal with being around people i couldnt stand anymore.  when i started working at this job i really liked everyone i worked with, and the only person i dont like is the one person i never work with, so it works out.  then this new girl started, and she's around my age unlike everyone else here so it was awesome at first....we would gab all day and i finally had someone i could talk to about pretty much aspect of my life and feel like i didnt have to censor anything.  i dont have to censor much with the other people here, eveyrone is down to earth and awesome, but obviously its easier to relate to someone your own age.  but now i am starting to realllllly get annoyed.  i dont want to be cuz she works the same days as me and almost the same schedule.  im trying hard and i really still enjoy being able to talk and relate to her but im starting to just not like her character.  she already complains way too much about the job for only being here a few weeks...she cant deal with unstructured time and sometimes being bored...which is happens here a lot.  we have to be on our toes all the time  and some days are extremely hectic and other days arent.  but then when she has a hectic day she complains about that too.  sooo i dont understand what she wants.  she is way too loud and outspoken in an extremely inappropriate way, especially around the clients.  sorry but i dont think u shoudl be talking about getting wasted around people with mental illness, some of which are recovered alcoholics.  she was a neuroscience major in college so she thinks she is high and mighty.  she thinks she wants to be a psychiatrist and i could see her doing something like that cuz she is smart....but for this type of job she is just not made for it.  she lets the normal day to day stuff get to her way too much.  she just doesnt seem to have much empathy, and u need that for this job.  and she is just so loud all the time and i miss my quiet days in the office.  she's just too much (wow sounds like someone else i used to bitch about in here...).  i also think she has a drinking problem, and she told me today how it runs in her family.  its like allll she talks about....every story is about when she was drinking, or this time she was drunk, and blah blah blah....i think at 23 u should be past that.  nothing wrong with still getting drunk, but talking about it like ur an 18 year old still fresh into partying and drinking is just immature.  everyone was surprised when they realized she was older than me cuz everyone just assumed i was older cuz i seemed more mature.  im just trying to hold back venting about her too much cuz i know i will just let myself get more and more and more irritated day by day and its so not worth it when i have to be with her everyday.  as much as its awesome we are full staffed again, part of me wants her to get too bored and quit...cuz she already has way too much to bitch about.  and she already pretty much admitted she thinks she'll get bored after 6 months to a year.  so we have to drive this big mother of a van, 15 passenger...she got in one tiny little fender bender in a parking lot and ever since then its like she avoids driving it.  and she wonders why our boss made her do the morning run and all the hectic errands yesterday...but she has already sworn off driving the van in the walmart/market basket parking lot and the medway dunkin donuts....uhhhh sorry sweetie but those are two MAIN places that we take them, so ur gonna have to get over it.  i wasnt comfortable at all in that van in the beignning, but i just forced myself to get over it and gain confidence cuz i realized that this was my job now and i needed to get used to it.  she acts like she's being inconvienced or something...its like..ok this is what we get paid to do.  she is way too picky already about how many places she takes them when she goes out and things like that.  its just way too early to be like that.  one of the clients told me that she thought she was mean, hahahaha. it made me laugh.  cuz she really is.  she's just one of those people that automatically cops and attitude with people without realizing it.  she's too quick to tell them no when they want to go places, pretty much just cuz she feels uncomfortable with it.  and that is sooo not fair to them.  she just has something new to complain about every single day.  its just weird.  i was so excited and interested in the job in the beginning....and i still am.  i never dread going to work and ya stuff annoys me and ill need to vent about it, but not the way she is about it.  i just embraced everything in the beginning cuz i wanted to get as much out of it as possible.  all she does is bitch about how we have so much downtime and how she feels like she's supposed to be doing something...yet when she has stuff to do she is like wicked stressed and cant handle it.  bahhh so lame.  i wonder if anyone else is annoyed.  its not like i can gossip about her to the people in their 40s that work here...me and her are the only young girls.  my boss seems to like her, and so do the other people...but i feel like part of them sees that side of her too and realizes she's a little more negative and unwilling to really put herself out there yet.  she's just getting too comfortable avoiding stuff that she's not comfortable with...and she wonders why she has nothing to do.  she's extremely outgoing, thats why i feel like she really shouldnt get away with not having to do certain stuff just cuz she doesnt feel like it or whatever, cuz its not like she's shy and is having trouble adjusting to the job.  she is smart and adjusted very quickly, so there is no reason that she cant take on everything required for the job.  i mean there are few things we are capable of in the beginning and one of those main things is transporting them around where they wanna go, within reason, and she cant even handle that.  she thinks its so weird when i go out on a trip and say im probably just taking them for coffee and come back like an hour later cuz people ended up wanting to go other places.  its like...well im not a cold bitch who just tells them no cuz it wasnt in the plan...if we have time and its in the area, there is no reason we cant stop at other places on the way.  i'd much rather be wasting time driving around then sitting in the office.  bah.
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Oct. 17th, 2008 @ 09:22 pm for old times sake
Current Location: at work
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
so i was talking to julie the other night about how i never post in this anymore...but i used to like to, even if i didnt think anyone read it.  just a good venting outlout or for whatever else i feel like talking about.

so everything is pretty different now.  i graduated in may, i moved in with andy in walpole, and i got a fulltime job as a residential counselor at a supported living facility for people with mental illness.  and i really love everything at this point.  i love my job and i love my living situation.  i always knew me and andy could handle it but i was still slightly nervous.  i knew that kinda living together before didnt mean it wouldnt be harder when we actually lived together.  i mean, it helps with certain aspects of the relationship definitely, but it also creates new adventures and problems and things to work out.  but i am happy and things are good.  i enjoy being independent.  i enjoy paying for all my own stuff even if i dont make that great of money.  i enjoy not having to rely on my parents i think.  most of the time i know they would help me out with stuff but i just dont even want to ask.  my dad finally made me start paying my cellphone and car insurance, which i would've been willing too all along but definitely wouldnt have been able to afford the insurance.  he basically said he can still afford paying for all that for me but doesnt think he should anymore, and i obviously agree especially if im not even under their roof anymore.  lets see..other updates...

i get to finally meet andys brother this week and i am very excited.  he is surprising the family who hasnt seen him in years, including andy and his parents.  he told andy though.  so that will be fun.  he sister is coming too but i got to meet her last december. 

my parents had to put luke, my yellow lab, to sleep this past summer.  it was really difficult because i had bonded with him the most out of all the animals we have had and i know my parents did too.  it was slightly unexpected but he just kept getting sick and it just kept getting worse.  i still get really sad when i think about it and still find it hard to believe it happened.  it was very weird to deal with it not living at home.  that first time i had to go home and not see him in the window was extremely hard...my parents knew it and tried not to mention it and offered me a cocktail pretty much as soon as i walked in the door.  i mostly felt bad for my parents.  not only are they a complete empty nest now, but they lost the one thing that was still like a child for them.  i dont know if they will get a dog soon.  i think as hard as it is for them they are enjoying not having to worry about a dog, because they have always had a dog for the past 20 something years.  they can finally go away and not stress and have people over and not worry about the dogs. so i think it has its good sides.  my mom spent too much time worrying about the dogs, especially on vacations.  so its nice to see my parents going on little trips more often and things like that.  its still strange cuz i remember thinking i'd be so old when luke died....i guess i am old. eek.

andy got a new and better job at one of the new restaurants, davios, at patriot place in front of the stadium.  much better job for him.  however are schedules are completely opposite.  at this point we have one night off a week together...not even a whole day.  i mean living together definitely makes that part of the relationship easier.  i thought i was gonna hate it, and i really do wish i had more time with him, but for the most part i like how much time i have for my own things.  its much easier to maintain my social life with my friends and just myself in general.  i have always needed alone time, so its good that i know its always there when i need it.  i also think it has made our relationship healthier.  we barely fight and we are always excited to see each other and really love the limited time we do get at night and random other times.  and we actually plan stuff for the days we do get a good chunk of time together.  its just nice to live and be myself with someone.  i mean i was myself at school...but i guess its just different.  i feel like i can completely be exactly how i would be if i was by myself, or with my family and i guess im just very glad i have found someone i can be that way with.  some days i still get happy and excited thinking that i dont have to worry about leaving him and i can always count on being with him every night.  it makes the days easier to get through if its a bad or long day.  just knowing i get to end my day with him makes it all worth it.

summer was good.  pretty uneventful.  got to go to the cape for a weekend with lia and ashley which was a blast as usual.  and then went to ct again for the dave matthews band concert with them and that was a definite good time...even if it was pouring rain.  hahaha...rain makes everything that much more fun and ridiculous.  but for the most part i was getting used to my job and moving into the apartment and getting settled there.  we finally finished most of the major things in the apt, like painting and furniture and things like that by the end of the summer.  im enjoying still getting to see my home friends all the time and not worrying about anyone going back to school.  except for my julie in new orleans who i miss very much!!!

its strnage to see the seasons change at home.  i feel like its been so long since i've seen that in massachusetts and really gotten to enjoy it.  i feel like once i get back to school im already in the mode of it being fall even though its still summer when we go back, so i barely even notice the seasons change.  i feel like thats when it really hit me that i wasnt going back to school ever again.  when i saw the leaves change and i put on my clogs and wore a light jacket to work.  but i feel good.  i feel good about where i am and i feel good about being done with school.  i miss so many things about it, but i knew it was time to move on.  i couldnt live in that fake reality bubble forever.  it was too safe and too easy to be life.  thinking back to graduation day it was just one big huge blur....probably cuz i was on like 3 hours of sleep but mostly cuz it was extremely surreal.  i remember never being able to picture that moment in my life and then all of a sudden i was living it, and then all of a sudden it was over and i was living life. 

its amazing how easy i adjust to change in life sometimes.  it kinda freaks me out.  i get sad about the moment but once i am moved on from it i am just in my other world and just accept the fact that this is life now and learn to work with it.  i just realized its been 5 months exactly since graduation day.  strange.  i think i just trust life.  i trust that i will somehow make it to where i am meant to be and i really believe that is why i dont get bogged down in hopelessness or negativity...i just dont allow it.  some people look at other people and think they just have it easy.  everyone has their own crap to deal with its the attitude that they choose to take on life.  never assume someones life is easy.  i have learned thru my job and just people in general that it is an awful thing to assume.  u really never know what has happened to anyone in their life and thats why we should never judge.  ok now i am about to ramble about something completely different now so im gonna stop while i still can, hahaha.  maybe ill start doing this again....
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Oct. 26th, 2007 @ 01:34 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
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Aug. 21st, 2007 @ 09:22 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
so its that time again.  summer is ending and im getting ready to go back to school.  its very bittersweet.  last summer i couldnt wait to get away from the hell i was living at home, but this summer was different for obvious reasons.  this was definitely the best summer i've had in awhile...being 21 and going out for drinks with friends, being able to practically live with Andy, having a good paying job for once in my life, and just staying busy in general and having fun with friends and everything.  but i am ready to go back to school.  it always takes me a bit to realize im ready, but i always am.  its just always that shock in the last couple weeks where im like "shit...i need to start thinking about school again..."  i just get anxiety about the transition...saying goodbyes, organizing my life, packing, etc.  but the last couple days has made me feel better.  some good back to school shopping trips and such made me feel better and more prepared.  im always excited to go back, i just hate the process to get there sometimes.  but i am very excited about this year and living up my last year in college.  im exciting about where im living, roommates, being 21 (hey...it doesnt get old okay!) and even some of my classes and other stuff im doing this semester.  but one thing i have realized this summer is that i will be ready for the end.  i mean, im obviously gonna miss everything....friends by far..nothing will ever replace the experience i had with my friends at college.  but in the big picture of my life right now, i am ready to move on and do the next step...whatever that is...just something different.  i guess being more independent of my parents has made me realize that i am ready for those next steps.  i always dreaded the whole after college thing cuz i felt like i wasnt gonna be ready...but i do feel ready now. andy has definnitely had a positive influence on my life bye allowing me to see life in a more realistic way.  i guess having a more adult relationship has made me come to terms with the fact that i am becoming an adult and i am okay with that. its interesting to talk to my friends from home and all say what we want to do after college or what kind of jobs we want or where we want to live and blah blah blah. its just weird cuz it seems like just yesterday we were all talking about what college we were thinking of goingto.  but its nice to know that we are all in the same place.  its nice to know that like me...we have all had an amazing time at school and love our times at home...but we are ready to move on with our lives, even if that means not seeing each other for very long periods of time.  but thats life.  we cant stay in this unrealistic world of parties every weekend, all of our friends living a little car ride away, and the worlds we live in at school, which i like to call the "bubble."  we cant stay in these bubbles forever.
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Jul. 2nd, 2007 @ 05:45 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
so im 21 years old and have had a decent amount of boyfriends, yet i just received my first bouquet of flowers from a boy yesterday.  it made me happy cuz they were daisies (my favorite) and were a surprise for no apparent occassion or anything.  so yay :)  i really never thought i would have a boyfriend like this.  i actually didnt think someone like him existed.  sometimes, as comfortable as things still are, i feel like we are still in the bliss stage..and to have been together for over 7 months now and still feel that...i'd say thats pretty good.  even seeing him everyday i feel like we maintain the "freshness" as my mom likes to call it.  

so i have a job.  finally. im a nanny for this family in mansfield and so far i really love it.  its 3 days a week from 8-5 and i pretty much get paid to play with the 5 year old, watch them in the pool (aka: sunbathe), and drive them around if they need it.   the youngest is 5, a girl, then another boy who is 10 and one more girl that is 12.  they are all pretty good kids and make me laugh.  i enjoy the 10 and 12 year old cuz its like being able to talk to normal, almost adult people.  the 12 year old girl is cool.  i was worried about her being like one of those 12 year olds going on 18 and wanting to be like britney spears...but she's normal, thank god.  she makes jewelry and is really good at it, so thats fun to do.  and they are all pretty self sufficient so its a good thing. the 2 oldest dont really need me, im pretty much just there to watch them in the pool and drive them places.  so everything worked out for me, thank god.
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Jun. 20th, 2007 @ 12:38 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: boredbored
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Jun. 17th, 2007 @ 07:50 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
so things have been going good.  going to find out about 2 jobs tomorrow and im pretty sure at least one of them will work out, so im looking forward to that.  i think im gonna be babysitting like 3 days a week for 8 hours, which wont be too bad.  there are three kids and the youngest is 5, so thats notbad at all.  and they have a pool! so thats always a pluss.  i can make money and work on my tan at the same time.  so things are finally looking up on the job front, thank god.  had a good time last night with julie and samantha and other such friends.  its good to just have a ridiculous night of randomness and good laughs.  things at home are pretty good.  my parents have been real chill lately which is always nice.  sometimes i worry i take them for granted.  im very thankful for the fact that unlike most parents they treat me like an adult.  i dunno, i guess growing up i just realized that being honest was the only way to go with them, cuz then they treated me right cuz they respected me as well.  and with respect comes trust, etc.  i just got to a point, probably after i turned 18, where i stopped asking, i just told them what i was doing.  i knew in my head they would have no good reason to really stop me from anything unless they thought i could be harmed or something.  i always listen to them if they have concerns cuz i trust their judgement, but they also trust mine, which is nice too.  even with my mom and all her random worrying, she knows when to just be quiet.    things with andy are good too.  finally back to his normal schedule this week so he's not working as crazy of hours so he'll actually be sane now.  i feel like he's just been in a tired haze the past few days.  but it was nice we actually went out on the nights he had off and stuff, which was good.  and i've been babysitting here and there to make some money and keep myself busy as well.  and im housesitting in a week or so that will be pretty sweet for money too.  i just am looking forward to getting on a normal schedule and being able to relax.  cuz what i've been doing lately...i dont consider it relaxing.  in order to relax u need to have been doing something that was tiring u or something....which i havent been.  im just really looking forward to being able to enjoy doing nothing again. 
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Jun. 6th, 2007 @ 07:49 am (no subject)
Current Mood: calmcalm

blah, Andy had to get up wicked early to go to work, and now i cant fall back asleep...so im doing this i guess

So the summer started out awesome with me and Andy's trip to myrtle beach and virginia.  It really ended up being a perfect vacation.  I kept thinking that something was going to go wrong the whole time, just cuz I had been excited about it for so long and had built it up, and I just figured with my normal pattern of things that something dumb would've ended up happening.  But everything was good and the weather was perfect all week.  It  flew by though, of course.  I still can't believe we even went.  I was so excited about it for like 2 months and now its just gone and only a memory.  I hate that.  I dunno, its good to know that we were able to spend 24 hours a day with each other for over 7 days straight and never get annoyed or have any petty arguments.  yes, we were on vacation, but still..a TINY part of me was nervous, cuz as much as i know i see him everyday for the most part, we had never spend THAT much time together before.  but it was great, definitely a good bonding experience and such.  i have tons of pictures that i have yet to put up anywhere.  i think im just gonna put a sampling on facebook and the whole collection on my yahoo photos.  just for those of you that care...haha

so now im in the reality of summer and the reality of the fact that im more broke than i was before and now i dont have a job.  blahh.  i hate that.  i feel like part of me can never have any real excitement for summer cuz once i get home i know i have to find a job again and blah blah blah.  and it just sux cuz im in this blah routine right now...which is basically having no real routine.  there is only so much job searching i can do everyday and none of my friends are really home for the summer yet.  i see andy of course, but he's on a crazy schedule now with 2 jobs and whatever.  i just neeeeed to get on a schedule and figure things out for myself right now.  

but im hanging out with jason today.  havent seen him in foreverrr.  so that'll be good.  then andy finally has a night off so that will be nice since we'll actually be able to hang out and not have him just come home and pass out.  but i really cant complain cuz i do get to see him everyday and stay over and stuff, which definitely makes whatever crazy hours he works worth it.  

well i guess i've wasted some time here.  mer.

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Apr. 29th, 2007 @ 04:03 pm (no subject)
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: RHCP-Readymade

Countdown til the end of the semester...

4 days..
Sociology paper
Sociology presentation
Sociology final
Experimental showcase and research paper
Clinical Psych test
Physiological Psych test
Italian final

so much to do, but there is so little time that it seems like it should be closer than it is,  but it doesnt really feel like it yet.  im very anxious for summer to begin.  i definitely had a really good, funfilled year, but its time for a break again.  this semester didnt suck as much as i thought it would in terms of work, but now its starting to get intense, as it always does at this time of year without fail.  its to be expected, so i try not to freak out and just get things done.  just trying to get through one day at a time.  im sweating the experimental paper the most then probably the sociology final and presentation...just cuz i have decided i hate sociology and i just have no motivation for it cuz i really dont like the subject matter (sorry julie).  everything else i know will be fine, its just getting through it all.  

also, the fact that i have a bunch of things to be excited about this summer is making these last couple weeks dragggg.  me and andy are going on a week trip down to myrtle beach where we're staying at this sweet hotel right on the water and it just looks like its gonna be gorgeous there.  i've never done anything like this before so i am very excited.  i kept looking at people's pictures of spring break where they had gone to all these beautiful places with friends and boyfriends and i just kept thinking how much i wanted to be able to do something like that.  so i was very excited when he told me about this idea.  so on the way back up we are going to stay in virginia for a few days where he can visit with old friends and i can see the place he used to live and then we're possibly gonna go to virginia beach for a couple days too.  so that will be fun too.  im beyond excited and we're leaving the weekend after i get back home, so its sooo soon.

also, my mom talked about going to miami to visit her family for a few days which we havent done in a long time as a family so that will be a good time too cuz i havent seen my cousins in such a long time.  it will be kind of weird cuz a lot of things have changed since the last time i was there, but i know it will be good.  

i am also finally going to see Dave this summer in hartford with Lia, so i am super ecstatic about that.  for some reason, only god knows why, i've never seen them live even though they have been my favorite band since foreverrr.  i know it will be an absolute blast and im excited to see where lia lives finally and just have such a crazy experience with her.  that is in the beginning of august so i cant get too excited about it yet....even though im already wanting to start the countdown, haha.  

and its also gonna be a blast this summer since most of my friends are now 21 and we will have a new totally different social scene.  it will be so much fun to just be able to go out and have a drink when we're bored instead of sitting around whatever what we're gonna do with ourselves for the rest of the night.  

its funny, cuz just like winter break i thought this summer was gonna suck.  when me and tim were still together, it was assumed he would be doing cadets this summer and basically be gone the entire summer.  then it seemed like a bunch of my other friends werent gonna be around either, so i was basically gonna have no one.  but a lot of my friends' plans have changed and of course i have andy now and all these plans so there is endless things to be excited and happy about!

but i gotta make it thru these next 2 weeks first....

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Apr. 10th, 2007 @ 02:14 pm (no subject)
Current Location: social science pod
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: cher-believe...hahahaha...not my choice..
I think way too much about the future sometimes.  i try to plan, and i should know from the past that that never works out.  i just need to go with it i guess.  i know what i want...thats the thing.  i know exactly what i want...im just scared of what that looks like to others i guess sometimes...family, friends, etc..i said it before and ill say it again..i know he's gonna be the one that takes me away from here.  its not a bad thing.  im realizing im more independent than i give myself credit for sometimes.  im okay with moving on from certain aspects of my life.  i look at him and all i can see is the beginning of my real life.  now that probably sounds ridiculous.  it sounds ridiculous to me, even though i feel so strongly about it.  i cant help but feel that way and im not ashamed of it.  not that i dont consider now real life...but its not really real life at all.  its fun.  living at school with ur best friends, only having to worry about minor things, and ur main priority is just to have a good time for as long as u can....while do well at school of course, haha.  i feel like i've come to a point where i've had enough experiences to know what i need and what i want.  i refuse to let him go for any reason.   he makes me see life in the way i need to see it.  i dont know how to explain it at all, but i have never really experienced anything so real.  i'd be an idiot to let go of any of that.  he made a sacrifice for me, a huge one at that.  he didnt plan on being here any longer, he wanted to go away and continue his life and career in the way he saw  would be best for him.  ultimately he's not losing out on anything, but it was still a change of plans.  he is still getting pressure to make a big move, with people telling him that its his best opportunity and he'd be stupid not to take it.  i guess thats the pressure i feel sometimes about doing certain things in a certain way, not from him, but other people in my life i guess.  but everyone lives their life differently and there is no one way of doing everything.  i've always done everything the typical way.  i need a change of pace.  even though its a year away, i know that i want things to be different when i graduate.  i dont want to just go and live at home hoping to find a job and getting into old routines.  its not that i plan on just running away and not doing what i want with my life and just following him for the rest of my life.  the thing about this whole situation is that i see myself being able to do what i want with him and he has said before that he would never want me to sacrifice what i want to do for him, because that comes first...which it does.  

i just feel stupid.  stupid that im already even thinking about this.  our conversations about our relationship have started to become intense in terms of knowing that this is definitely a longterm thing.    its all moved very fast and its easy to criticize relationships that are like that...i should know, i've done it before...but like i said before, i've never been so sure about what i want in my life..not just in him, but everything.  it feels good but scary all at the same time knowing that its getting so close to real life...
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