so i was talking to julie the other night about how i never post in this anymore...but i used to like to, even if i didnt think anyone read it. just a good venting outlout or for whatever else i feel like talking about.
so everything is pretty different now. i graduated in may, i moved in with andy in walpole, and i got a fulltime job as a residential counselor at a supported living facility for people with mental illness. and i really love everything at this point. i love my job and i love my living situation. i always knew me and andy could handle it but i was still slightly nervous. i knew that kinda living together before didnt mean it wouldnt be harder when we actually lived together. i mean, it helps with certain aspects of the relationship definitely, but it also creates new adventures and problems and things to work out. but i am happy and things are good. i enjoy being independent. i enjoy paying for all my own stuff even if i dont make that great of money. i enjoy not having to rely on my parents i think. most of the time i know they would help me out with stuff but i just dont even want to ask. my dad finally made me start paying my cellphone and car insurance, which i would've been willing too all along but definitely wouldnt have been able to afford the insurance. he basically said he can still afford paying for all that for me but doesnt think he should anymore, and i obviously agree especially if im not even under their roof anymore. lets see..other updates...
i get to finally meet andys brother this week and i am very excited. he is surprising the family who hasnt seen him in years, including andy and his parents. he told andy though. so that will be fun. he sister is coming too but i got to meet her last december.
my parents had to put luke, my yellow lab, to sleep this past summer. it was really difficult because i had bonded with him the most out of all the animals we have had and i know my parents did too. it was slightly unexpected but he just kept getting sick and it just kept getting worse. i still get really sad when i think about it and still find it hard to believe it happened. it was very weird to deal with it not living at home. that first time i had to go home and not see him in the window was extremely hard...my parents knew it and tried not to mention it and offered me a cocktail pretty much as soon as i walked in the door. i mostly felt bad for my parents. not only are they a complete empty nest now, but they lost the one thing that was still like a child for them. i dont know if they will get a dog soon. i think as hard as it is for them they are enjoying not having to worry about a dog, because they have always had a dog for the past 20 something years. they can finally go away and not stress and have people over and not worry about the dogs. so i think it has its good sides. my mom spent too much time worrying about the dogs, especially on vacations. so its nice to see my parents going on little trips more often and things like that. its still strange cuz i remember thinking i'd be so old when luke died....i guess i am old. eek.
andy got a new and better job at one of the new restaurants, davios, at patriot place in front of the stadium. much better job for him. however are schedules are completely opposite. at this point we have one night off a week together...not even a whole day. i mean living together definitely makes that part of the relationship easier. i thought i was gonna hate it, and i really do wish i had more time with him, but for the most part i like how much time i have for my own things. its much easier to maintain my social life with my friends and just myself in general. i have always needed alone time, so its good that i know its always there when i need it. i also think it has made our relationship healthier. we barely fight and we are always excited to see each other and really love the limited time we do get at night and random other times. and we actually plan stuff for the days we do get a good chunk of time together. its just nice to live and be myself with someone. i mean i was myself at school...but i guess its just different. i feel like i can completely be exactly how i would be if i was by myself, or with my family and i guess im just very glad i have found someone i can be that way with. some days i still get happy and excited thinking that i dont have to worry about leaving him and i can always count on being with him every night. it makes the days easier to get through if its a bad or long day. just knowing i get to end my day with him makes it all worth it.
summer was good. pretty uneventful. got to go to the cape for a weekend with lia and ashley which was a blast as usual. and then went to ct again for the dave matthews band concert with them and that was a definite good time...even if it was pouring rain. hahaha...rain makes everything that much more fun and ridiculous. but for the most part i was getting used to my job and moving into the apartment and getting settled there. we finally finished most of the major things in the apt, like painting and furniture and things like that by the end of the summer. im enjoying still getting to see my home friends all the time and not worrying about anyone going back to school. except for my julie in new orleans who i miss very much!!!
its strnage to see the seasons change at home. i feel like its been so long since i've seen that in massachusetts and really gotten to enjoy it. i feel like once i get back to school im already in the mode of it being fall even though its still summer when we go back, so i barely even notice the seasons change. i feel like thats when it really hit me that i wasnt going back to school ever again. when i saw the leaves change and i put on my clogs and wore a light jacket to work. but i feel good. i feel good about where i am and i feel good about being done with school. i miss so many things about it, but i knew it was time to move on. i couldnt live in that fake reality bubble forever. it was too safe and too easy to be life. thinking back to graduation day it was just one big huge blur....probably cuz i was on like 3 hours of sleep but mostly cuz it was extremely surreal. i remember never being able to picture that moment in my life and then all of a sudden i was living it, and then all of a sudden it was over and i was living life.
its amazing how easy i adjust to change in life sometimes. it kinda freaks me out. i get sad about the moment but once i am moved on from it i am just in my other world and just accept the fact that this is life now and learn to work with it. i just realized its been 5 months exactly since graduation day. strange. i think i just trust life. i trust that i will somehow make it to where i am meant to be and i really believe that is why i dont get bogged down in hopelessness or negativity...i just dont allow it. some people look at other people and think they just have it easy. everyone has their own crap to deal with its the attitude that they choose to take on life. never assume someones life is easy. i have learned thru my job and just people in general that it is an awful thing to assume. u really never know what has happened to anyone in their life and thats why we should never judge. ok now i am about to ramble about something completely different now so im gonna stop while i still can, hahaha. maybe ill start doing this again....